7 January 2022

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HOW TO SAY 'NO' NICELY

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I was asked to speak with a group of people in a workplace setting on this specific topic “How to Say ‘No’ Nicely”.

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Being a speaker as well as a consultant, some of my consulting contracts asked me to do more ‘speaking’ type engagements for small groups. We both felt this would be a bit more fun and engaging than the typical workshop.

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I was in total agreement.  It felt so much more respectful to leave a person to listen and find the wisdom within themselves.

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This is what happened –

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There was one man in the group who was being rather disruptive.

I could see he didn’t really want to be there.
I could sense he was uncomfortable.

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First job for me – help the group to settle and realise I was not there to confront or unsettle anyone.  I was there to enjoy them in a topic that we could actually make very light hearted.

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Well, without getting into the nitty-gritty of what we looked at in total,..

 

It was when I got to the bit where I said ‘No’ with my pseudo-french accent that he went particularly quiet.

 

He was very quiet.  His mind had gone quiet. 
He put his head down.

 

The group finished. 

 

People seemed satisfied enough that I had fulfilled the brief.

 

But, the most important moment was about to show.

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After everyone filed out of the room, there was one man left sitting. 

 

A good mate had stayed behind and was watching him and looking between me and the man sitting.

 

It was the man who had put his head down.

 

I waited quietly. 

This was his time.  His moment.

 

He looked up with tears in his eyes.
He looked straight into my eyes and said…

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“I can see now - it has been me.

I have been an angry man. 
I didn’t realise that ‘no’ is nothing more than that. 
"No" is not an angry thing.  It is me who has been angry.  I’m so relieved.”

 

The wisdom within.  Always a beautiful moment.

Cheers, TS.